dO yOu eVeR hAvE tHoSe DayS???

I was having one of those days the other day where you feel like you are just not a good mama, no matter what you do your child cries and won't do what you say. They throw tantrums in the middle of stores and everyone looks at you like you are the worst person ever. When you feel like no matter how much you try you just can't get on top of things, too much laundry, dishes, bottles. But where do you draw the line and say "Ok I will leave it and play with my kids" I can't seem to find that balance between home, work, being a wife, being mother, being a homemaker. I feel like if I am strong and productive at work that my husband, kids, and house suffer, and if I am strong and productive at home than my work and career suffer. I hate mornings, having to leave my kids to come to work is like ripping my heart out, I hate when I come home and Halle would rather have Nana hold her then Mommy. I hate that I am missing out on so much of there lives and milestones. I have to sneak out of the house in the morning usually before Halle wakes up or else she runs after me and cries that she wants to come and says "No mama, no work peees" Most mornings I am fighting back the tears when I drop them off or leave my house because I just want to be a mommy and be home.

But I also feel guilty cause I sometimes need to get away and just be with Kevin or by myself. I just wish I could find a balance.

Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed that I do not have to bring my girls to daycare, that they get to stay with their grandma's that love them so much and that I trust to teach them and love them when I am not there. But jealousy kicks in and I get so envious of the things they get to experience with MY little girls. I can not believe how much they change everyday and I just count down the hours at work till I get to see their cute smiles and hear "Mommy's home!!" when I walk in the door.

I gotta just know that God has a plan for me and my family and right now I am doing what needs to be done at this point in my life.

Thanks for letting me vent.

XOXOXOXO

Anne